i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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