know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
