i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
