OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
