I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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