she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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