I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
