I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
