By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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