So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
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