Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
