Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
