I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
