4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
