This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize