fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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