A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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