Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this just has baby written all over it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
