Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
