There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
