If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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