apparently the secret to your success is patron
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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