What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
