On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
