We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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