We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
