your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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