I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
