shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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