im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
this hospital has no fireball
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
