awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
