Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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