Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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