look no pants
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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