Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
