i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
