Where is the hickey?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
