so let's talk penis.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
