I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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