I just pynch a tree in the face
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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