I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize