Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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