Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize