New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
