just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
