i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
