you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
