in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
