come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
