my phone needs a breathalizer
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
