Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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