Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
