Your face is a jimmy john
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
How's work?
Spinning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
