Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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