when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can't put those talents on a resume
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
