I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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