clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
