Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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