girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
