Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
