Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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