who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
