you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Found the puke drawer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize