Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
