How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
