After last night, I could never be a politician.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
