I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
