WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your tits are I can't wait for
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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